Rockdale Citizen

Your noggin is plumb full.

You've got appointments crammed there, as well as directions, grocery lists, kids' schedules, weekend plans, and to-do's.

Your head is your calendar but it's also full of useless things: your junior high locker combination, a jingle from 1980, a recipe for sky-high-calorie brownies, Great-Grandma's phone number, and the name of every pet you ever had.

In order.

So why not try to replace the needless noggin-info with something you can actually use to impress your friends, wile away the time, or win a bar bet? Why not put "A World of Curiosities" by John Oldale and "The Not-So-Nude Ride of Lady Godiva" by David Haviland on your shelf?

So life is a little packed, and it's all you can do to keep things straight most days. But just think: it could be worse. Refreshments could be made with cow urine (from India). Your kids could be "saligoman" ("dirty brats," a name for urchins in Rwanda), or you could've been born in Swaziland, where you would've been a "nonperson" until you were three months old.

Speaking of "nonpersons," you've also got to remember appointments for that mid-sized dog-like creature (and be glad it's not a Tasmanian devil). Rejoice, while you're at it, that you don't have a farting gorilla (Rwanda) or a fat-tailed sheep (Syria). Be happy Fido is no unicorn (originally from Pakistan).

And then there's work: some days, it's practically like World War I (which was not the first world war, according to Churchill). You'd swear that your cube-mate descends from Genghis Khan (16 million men do). Working with him is like being in a minefield (be prepared to escape one of those!) and you're really glad prohibition is over (although public drunkenness rates went up then).

Maybe you need a vacation. Maybe you should go north (Canadians are the most-liked people on Earth). Maybe you should move to Ghana (where they custom-make coffins). But before you go, check your suitcase for surprises. Roger Mortimer's wife and Lady Raleigh could explain why.

Admit it: sometimes, novels are good but there are times when you want to read something that won't make you think too hard. Enter "The Not-So-Nude Ride of Lady Godiva" and "A World of Curiosities."

"A World of Curiosities," by John Oldale, copyright 2012 by Plume, is 300 pages and sells for $16. "The Not-So-Nude Ride of Lady Godiva," by David Haviland, copyright 2012 by Tarcher/Penguin, is 336 pages and sells for $14.95.